Please do not forget our special obituary offer! If you are considering putting this off until another day, we strongly urge you to recognize that your feeble life will at any moment be scraped away as so many words from the palimpsest of this world. What if "another day" is simply too late? Who, then, will be left to write of you? A blubbering mother? A bewildered widower? A lowly intern?
But perhaps you are not yet ready to confront your own momentary existence in such a summary fashion? Or possibly you are simply shiftless, lazy and dull? Please, reconsider your life.
People, here is the bottom line: you send us as much of the information listed below as you would like, which is merely a matter of entering a few things you shouldn't even have to think very hard about, and we do the real work. What do we do? First, we read this litany of absurd "facts" which you claim constitute the lie that is your life. Second, we recast the whole of this list into a handsome review that, rest assured, will not in the least resemble skulduggery. Third, we will draw your portrait. Fourth, we will send you a physical booklet containing your obituary.
Wasting few minutes of your time with us now will ensure that others will waste their time on you before your time is even up. Do not hesitate.
Send information to: domesticbemuse1(at)gmail(dot)com.
What we need: