Saturday, March 17, 2012
Yackity Saxin' With Three Friends Conversationally Waxin'
With my new corporate anti-perspiaspiration Sweat Defense,
I old-swagger spice and go public in the night.
Loneliness be gone! like a delicious pancake
Hoovered to break fast.
Jasonface joins me, tho bothered
like a sea-anemone dumbfound & prodded
By unattended, ridiculously attentive children.
I decide to never cut my toenails again for
I am too jealous of their raggedness.
Of Block-Fadely's ragged head
I cannot even speakeasy but to say
It hedges & I bet needs pruning
The easier for Jason's-face & I,
Public as sweatless toes now in the summer night,
To peer thru his windows & watch dirty Proustian things
& Maybe tag-team, at last, a Houdini
Poor Fadely won't sleep thru and then interrupt upon waking.
Sometimes life sends you two electronic mail items
at the same time (or at least with the same time-
STAMP, because electronic mailboxes arrange things
VERTICALLY, which is weird when you think about it:
the internet can do ANYTHING, but still this hierarchy;
why not a SPIRAL like when when you flush the co-
One email was from Christopher Nelms, who I some-
times will call NELMSY, but only in electronic mail items.
He wrote a poem I didn't understand a goddamn word of.
I stood up. I stepped from my office. I poured some
coffee. I sipped some coffee. The coffee was lukewarm.
I'd turned off the warmer thing. What's my problem? Why
would I have done such a thing? I do not care for lukewarm
coffee. I returned to my office. I will drink the coffee ANY-
The other email was from Matthew Pulver. He sent me
this link (now this poem has hypertext: now it is the
FUTURE). Ye says he likes to see an artist come into his
OWN; he and Hova named their new album Watch the
THRONE. That shit drops on August 1, 2011, and I will
BUY it. The first single is called H.A.M., and the two rap-
pers rap they are "hard as a motherfucker" (HINT: the
title is an acronym). But the first single isn't even ON the
album (unless you buy the DELUXE edition, which probably
I WILL), and that seems to be an intriguing marketing DE-
I suppose I ought to mention Patrick Fadley in this poem.
Well, I'm glad I got that obligation over with, aren't YOU?
This is, with any luck, the very worst poem of my entire
Anther email from Pulver: it seems
TIMBALAND likes bananas, holy shit
I ALSO like bananas to eat when I'm
laying down the sickest beats around.
4. "Thoughts on GMOA's Lamar Dudd Retrospective"
When the art museum goes on vacation
it puts on flip-flops, retrospectives.
Now that flip-flops are in fashion,
The sunscreened museum is always on vacation--the sun, that asshole, curtains its tail behind.
Splish splash we were taking a bath
and i farted
Pfffft frrrsssh Bernie Madoff made-off only to take a bath
Retrospective is hindsight is 20/20 is so so perfect
Retrospective is perfect eyes looking out of yr ass
Kind-hinds fine finds & find fines to remind all behinds
Shit with it
Get glaucoma in yr ass
Mistakenly mistake all fathers for pederasts
Blindly Exhibit A: the Blinding Blind Ass
What is the use
Of all these poems?
Will they drop
Or some panties?
No, the lines
Are like us:
And air control
Sights a new
Kind of cloud
Soon to rain
Onto the hesitant
Face of Earth
Spies a new sort
Names it Nelms
Feel it wash
Between my toes
Like a cold tide
Of baby batter.
And also: who the fuck is Pulver? I know no one
Who could rise to that. Are his eyes made of gaunt?
Are his shoulders cold and marled? Are his ribs
Fit to eat? I tender this sinister greeting, I guess.
A cold tide of baby batter
Betters the stains of fecal matter
On Matherly's beard and under-face.
So much shit has taken place
I fear Matherly's naked face
Where bullshit, like Ulysses, returns home
To find bullshit-forms of bullshit-gnomic-gnomes
Usurping his own bullshit's rightful fuckbed and place.
8. "Please Leave My Beard Out of This"
Pulver is a man, a man
who has done such things as this
and this and, yes, also this.
Pulver has made the world better,
through his online presence,
and presence at the Flicker Bar
and the UGA Science Library,
and he's the dude with whom
I can watch some NBA or the World Cup
even if it's the Women's World Cup.
I sometimes call him the "Pulverizer,"
but not to his face,
just when I'm leaving him a voicemail
after four-and-one-half vodka tonics.
I stopped drinking for a while, so
I don't all him that much any more.
Chris Nelms's new poem
about Lamar Dodd
is pretty right on
I guess, I don't know
I haven't seen the show.
His other poem
about yours truly,
on the other hand,
is clearly full of bullshit.
It says a bunch of stuff
about bullshit. You know what?
Just go read the thing yourself.
Good to see Patsy
still has a sense of humor.
My shift is over, I'm going home.
9. "Patrick Fadely's Phenomenology of Having Coffee and Waiting for a Porn Vid To Buffer"
A HOT MILF FUCKS HER SON'S BEST FRIEND.
Black, w/ no sugar502 Bad Gateway nginx/0.853
Clicks off the tab playing Ginuwine's "Pony"
Get in2 it
10. "Happy B-day, Marshall McLuhan"
"Pony" is a fucking great jam
it still holds up pretty well and
the video reminds me of the Country
Rock, where once a lady asked me
why I wasn't dancing: they were playing
Vanilla Ice, "Ice Ice Baby."
Fadely, please be very careful
after you get that to buffer
not to spill your hot coffee
while you're buffin' it hard:
only one old lady gets to sue
Mickey D's every twenty years.