This spider living in my little necklace of hate
is such a heartthrob
I think I'll call him Johnny Depp
because he too is silvery with suck
like an abortion-vaccum.
Since me & Johnny Depp are web-designers
we join forces on a Tumblr called "Animal-Transcendence."
It's just fotos of Johnny Depp's dick filtered in different lights,
but it's very powerful and moving
like that boulder in "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
When Johnny Depp watches our tumbling boulder tear through the web
like a physical attraction taken to the level of a value-judgment,
he begins to cry tears into little spider-condoms
I throw from the roof of our oceanfront timeshare at passersby
who don't notice a goddamn thing
cuz tears are tinier than dicks.
I ask Johnny Depp, " hey man, how come you don't just
take a foto of yourself crying and show the world
you live inside a necklace of hate but can still totes cry
like a ricin-weaponized banjo if ya really wanna?"
Johnny takes the foto, but when he looks at it,
he cries more and says that it's too golden,
so precious for no reason they'll send a guy
like me into the folding earth to retrieve it
and I'll do it, risking life and limn
because that's what I do for him to help myself
have more value others can believe in.
"You're damn weak," Johnny says, "weaker than the rest of 'em,
you're my fucking Watson-Moses and you can't accept it.
Here's a filthy pen so write all this down you Indiana Foney."